Stop Finding Yourself: Lose Yourself
We have 3 choices in life: To Survive, Thrive or Die.
When people tell us there’s a certain way to live our lives, certain beliefs we must hold or certain actions we must take; it’s often justified to simply say “No”.
However, when others are open enough to tell us their beliefs, they normally have a reason for it. Given the mostly secular society of the West, these are no longer religious beliefs people are sharing, they are self-beliefs i.e. Beliefs people hold about themselves, and their position in the universe.
Why?
Because holding certain beliefs about ourselves is what get us through the day!
By perceiving ourselves as strong individuals, we can overcome getting rejected from our dream job. By perceiving ourselves as creative people, we can appreciate Post-Modern Art.
Without infinite faith in a God that puppeteers our paths, we have no choice other than to believe in ourselves. Our self-beliefs enables us to grow, shrink and above all: Adapt to new situations.
More Than Yourself
To hold beliefs about ourselves, there must be a ‘self’ in which we believe. And if there is a self that we have such strong beliefs in, such that it sustains our drive to survive, then surely we must be able to define it.
But how?
We are more than just our names: We are what makes us ‘tick’. What makes us thrive as opposed to simply survive is self-understanding. Once we have clearly defined why we do the things we do, we create a solid core on which to balance our mental wellbeing. However, to define the self in this way requires breaking ourselves down to our very essence and analysing how we react in each and every situation…
Dmitri Mendeleev found himself in the same position. When he first formulated the Periodic Table, Mendeleev knew full well of the existence of a range of elements but could only tell you their weight. He did this by observing the ways in which different substances reacted with one another, but knew nothing else about each element. He could not define their characteristics: Not until he found them. For this reason, it is only logical that if we are to define the self, we must first find the self…
“A wise man travels to discover himself.”
James Russell Lowell
So, where is the self? Is it inside our heads or in some faraway land?
Even within the English language, we like to attach the self to ourselves (as opposed to ‘our selves’). We do not consider the self as a separate entity. Liberalism and modern democracies are founded on the basis that we possess the self, control the self and that nobody else has the right to our self.
With individualism dominating cultural norms and divorce rates higher than ever before, it’s quite clear that we are shifting towards “self-ownership”.
However, if we own our selves, and we are truly our selves — then there’s no point trying to “find ourselves” because…well, we are already here!
Just grab your location from Google Maps and voila — you’ve found yourself!
Well you really could have started with that George, thanks for your eternal wisdom.
Ok, so we’re not quite there…yet!
Finding yourself might be simple, but to find your self is another matter entirely.
Society creates ways to find the self, and yet it’s still so easy to feel lost. Whether it’s Consumerism, Education or Charity Work, there are many pitfalls on the way to truly finding our selves. In fact, do these things really help at all?
Yes and no.
Opportunities to experience new things and broaden our understanding of the self are abundant. But it’s equally easy to come away with nothing.
There are approximately 10 subjects I could pick from at school and, though there were many people who knew exactly what they enjoyed, there were just as many who had absolutely no idea. Even if I enjoyed languages, the pressure on children from such an early age to “do something that will get them a job” creates a linear train of thought — one which often stagnates understanding of our selves, as it did mine.
I spoke 5 languages at the age of 16 and would have loved to continue learning more, deepening my understanding of other people and cultures. However, I was led by my parents, and the overarching society from which they came to do something that would one day become a lifestyle they could be proud of: in my case that was going into Banking.
Now, I cannot say I regret my decision to go into Banking, because it led me to be the person I am today. However, it was never actually my decision. Self-discovery in terms of my career path only came about when I decided I no longer wanted to work in finance — and I decided I needed to work for myself.
Granted, this is not the simplest life-decision, I can say for certain this is the most volatile experience of my life. And yet, I have never learnt more about myself than in these past 2 years.
Entrepreneurship has been a way to constantly test myself. To put myself in entirely absurd situations and see how I react, growing ever stronger and wiser about my self and what my role is in this great performance we call Life.
So, why find your self?
Because it’s the only way that:
- Work will ever feel like play.
- You will make the most of every day.
- You will never want to leave this planet…you’ll always want to stay.
Unfortunately, Entrepreneurship is not a path. It is a way of life: There’s a reason why people talk about an ‘Entrepreneurial Spirit’. It is the ability to remain insanely passionate about self-discovery whilst it tears you to pieces; to comprehend the potential that you hold as an individual and the impact you can have on this planet. Whether you are an entrepreneur or not: The spirit is up for grabs.
The lifestyle has no manuscript. It is a state of flux in which you aim for the moon and adapt to the stars along the way. Throw your self into the world, expose your beliefs and hard work for everyone to see: and be ready to be bulldozed by the beating hearts of the other 7 billion people that live here.
Don’t Take It Personally
We are not unique. Everyone else is doing the same thing too — and each of us has our own perspective on life. Different backgrounds: cultures, life stories, families, friends, likes and dislikes…the list is endless. If you expect everyone to immediately agree with what you do and how you do it, you have another thing coming.
The world will laugh you off and play you like a fiddle, toying with your thoughts and inserting its own instead. And perhaps you should listen. None of us come into this world with perfect self-understanding, in fact, none of us will ever be able to say we know for certain what our position is in the universe, or how our world should be run.
The more I know, the more I know that I know nothing.
Socrates
So don’t worry, it’s OK not to know everything.
But at the same time, if you truly want to thrive on this planet: You must never give in. Perseverance is the real key to finding your self. Perseverance in the direction of your core, the values that fill you with joy. In my case, that’s empathy, happiness and love…
Yours may be different, but when I think of these words I can feel them pulse through my body. I know that these are my fundamentals, and whenever I have self-doubt: I remind myself of the core that I have come to understand. Solid as rock, these are not just my self-beliefs, but what I believe the world should be built on too. These are the beliefs that I share with others, both through my work and through my words. They fuel my fire every single day, giving me the energy to start a mobile app, start a movement, start a mentoring platform and write these posts, whilst still maintaining a family and social life.
But How Did I Find These Values?
I had to lose myself. By following society’s footpath, I found nothing but confusion and misery. I found myself boxed into a tiny portion of the real me. I had no idea what I was doing when I decided I needed to work for myself, all I knew was that it was the only way in which I could feel truly fulfilled. Without someone hovering over me, telling me what to do, I could apply my powers to whatever came my way: And there was no telling what I could achieve.
But this doesn’t mean I have not been led astray. I have immersed myself in every moment — to such an extent that sometimes I do lose my self. Once, I started learning to code because I had given up on searching for someone technically talented to help me develop my app. I had been fooled before, my money stolen and felt apathetic towards the prospect of finding someone I could trust…I soon realised I was not being authentic to my self. Yes, I could learn to code, but could I really tell myself there was not one person in the entire planet I could trust to be my technical partner? I could not. My love and empathy for others would not stop battering at my door until I stopped coding and continued searching for technical people: And eventually I found someone.
I believe to lose yourself is to give everything a chance. When we are so set on finding ourselves, we start to plan the route ahead. But what if you miss things along the way? What if this route won’t actually take you to the right destination? It is better to have delved into every crack and crevice of the bedrock of your self, before skating over it trying to find something else. To lose yourself is to find your self.
Never Forget Your Position
We are all equal and all have a right to thrive on this planet. The birds and the bees, the tallest of trees all have the same. With the planets and solar systems that exist beyond our knowledge, we may feel like the centre of the universe, but that we are not.
Our species has only existed for the past 5 million years, approximately 0.036% of the age of The Universe. So why do you matter?
We create our own merit. We create our own future. We have the power to walk the streets naked if that is what we want. To fly to the moon and back if that is our aim. To sail the Seven Seas if that is what we desire.
We are beings of infinite potential, able to adapt and thrive more than we can ever imagine. If you are tired of the daily grind, feel like there’s something more, something you’re yet to discover about yourself. My advice? Lose yourself.
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